“God couldn’t be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers” – Rudyard Kipling
I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I’ve never been sure of what I wanted to do in life, but I was sure I sure about that. I knew I wouldn’t be perfect, but I knew I would be good at it. Growing up, my friends and I would plan out how many kids we were going to have, what their names were, draw pictures of their rooms, etc. Talking about what it would be like when all of our kids played together. When I would go shopping I would walk up and down the baby aisles and imagine all of the things I would buy. Outfits, diapers, blankets, bubble bath. It all sounded so fun to me. I couldn’t wait to take my baby on walks, give them baths, read them books, snuggle them, and teach them all the wonderful things about life. I had this whole idea of what it would be like, and you know what? It’s nothing like I imagined…it’s better. It’s ten times harder than I thought, but I could never have imagined just how happy to would make me. It’s messy, it’s chaotic, and it’s emotional. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Yesterday gave me the opportunity to reflect on my motherhood journey so far and it got me all sorts of emotional. I still can’t believe Diego is real and that I get to live my dream every single day. He is pure magic and couldn’t have dreamed him up if I tried.
Becoming a mother has changed me, even perfected me, in so many ways. I’m learning about what matters most. I’m learning to be more patient, more present, and more understanding. Diego has given me a new perspective on life and I want to be the best I possibly can for him. He’s taught me about unconditional love and sacrifice. From the moment I first laid eyes on him, I felt an overwhelming love for him. A piece of my heart is literally walking outside of me. I love that little boy so stinking much and I’ll never be able to adequately express it. If anything, becoming a mom has opened my eyes to the strength and power of women. Bringing a child into this world requires unimaginable amounts of discomfort, anxiety, and pain. But moms do it anyway. It’s unknown territory and anything could go wrong. And I’m learning that most pregnancies and births aren’t without complication. But moms do it anyway. Growing and delivering the baby is just the beginning. They then have to keep that baby alive! There’s no manual. And no two babies are they same. But they do it anyway. They sacrifice sleep and time to feed and comfort them. All while taking care of the rest of the family and trying to take care of themselves. I seriously look at pregnant women and moms now and think, You are a rockstar!! Women’s bodies are freaking incredible. The fact that my little body could grow and feed this enormously chunky baby still amazes me. I MADE HIM! And that’s pretty awesome. I’m grateful for the experiences that I’ve been through that’s helped me gain empathy for women who’ve struggled to get pregnant, experienced miscarriages, or lost a baby. I know I can never fully understand but it’s opened my heart to these women in these situations. And I’m oh so grateful for the women who have helped me in my challenges because of the things they’ve gone through. I truly couldn’t do it without them.
It’s also made me realize that every mom is just doing their best. Maybe they only slept 3 hours last night. Maybe they haven’t showered in days and wearing the same sweat pants from yesterday. Maybe they’re feeling guilty because they’re house is a mess and they’re having cereal for dinner again. But they’re doing their absolute best and that’s ENOUGH. Moms are dealing with pressures to parent a certain way, bounce back from pregnancy + have perfect abs, make money to support their family, and have healthy meals on the table. I’m guilty of feeling this feelings on a daily basis. But I’m slowly learning that I don’t need to have it all together and that I’m just the mom that Diego needs. I’m learning that I can’t do this on my own. That it’s okay to ask for help. And when I see other kids, even when my kids at work are being lil’ punks, I can’t help but think, “This is someone’s kid and their mom loves them!” Moms really are superheros and I’m in awe of all the women in my life. Of all that they’ve gone through and all that they do to love and support their children. Especially my own mother. I know that I’m only just beginning to understand the love she has for me and all that she’s sacrificed to help me thrive and have a happy life. I also know that I’m just beginning to understand the love that Heavenly Father has for me and how unconditional that love truly is. Being a mother makes me want to strengthen my relationship with Him and I feel so grateful that he’s blessed me with this opportunity. And I’m grateful for every trial and experience I’ve had up to this point that has allowed me to not take this blessing for granted. I still have no idea what I’m doing and know that I’ve only had a small taste of the motherhood thing. But I’m trying to embrace the messiness, be proud of my body, and take in every single moment and love every stage!